REDWOOD SHORES, Calif., April 1, 2025鈥擳oday marks the launch of a new, highly specialized user group for Agile Product Lifecycle Management (PLM) customers, uniquely tailored to professionals who thrive on uncertainty and danger鈥攁ptly named the "Agile User Group for High-Stakes (Agile UGH)."
"Given Agile PLM's venerable age of 30 years and the approaching end of life slated for December 31, 2027, we recognized that Agile鈥檚 remaining customers are inherently comfortable with risk-seeking scenarios," said a spokesperson from the user group.
"This new group celebrates those adrenaline enthusiasts who dare to navigate through software obsolescence, severe migration backlogs, and critical security vulnerabilities."
Agile PLM continues to appeal to a niche community of thrill-seekers and technology risk-takers. Vulnerabilities rated at severity levels of 9.8 and 9.9 out of 10 have surged significantly since 2024, with critical alerts such as CVE-2024-21287 highlighting opportunities for unauthenticated remote attacks鈥攑erfect for professionals seeking the thrill of real-time crisis management.
The FBI has corroborated active exploitation attempts targeting Agile PLM, notably involving credential theft propagated through dark web marketplaces. "Frankly, Agile couldn鈥檛 design a more exhilarating scenario if they tried," the spokesperson for the user group added, unblinkingly.
The current version, Agile PLM 9.3.6, will remain Oracle's sole supported release, ensuring that customers enjoy the excitement of staying perpetually outdated鈥攐r face hefty reinstatement penalties upwards of $150,000 plus other ongoing support costs.
Membership in Agile UGH promises engaging sessions focused on tactical risk acceptance, crisis management workshops, and panels on how best to leverage security alerts for adrenaline-fueled corporate team-building.
"This group isn't for everyone," the spokesperson cautioned. "But if you've ever considered cybersecurity vulnerabilities and migration backlogs your preferred method of corporate risk-taking, then Agile PLM is your running of the bulls.鈥
Interested organizations are encouraged to join swiftly鈥攑referably before the next critical vulnerability is announced.
For risk-averse PLM users who thrive in secure, reliable environments, to learn more or .
Note: This is a fictional press release and is not representative of the actual products, services, or business practices of Oracle or Agile PLM. Happy April Fools!
